Chapter 31 - An American Flavour

I was putting the finishing touches on my make up when there was a knock at the door of my bedroom. “Miss Van Steen?” My Dad’s assistant’s voice called.
“Yes?” I replied.
“A young gentleman from one of the hockey teams is here to see you.” She replied. “Should I let him in?”
“Put him in the dinning room.” I replied, feeling a little bitchy. I was going to make him wait and I was going to make him wait in a place where he was going to have to wait without a TV.
“Right away Miss.” She replied.
I kind of wandered around my room for awhile. It was more like pacing. I’d told the cook that I wanted dinner at 7:00 and I intended to make Sidney wait that long. There was no way that I was making an appearance before that. I sighed. This could easily be the most difficult night of my life.
I wasn’t looking forward to it. I loved him so damn much that it hurt. Not just any boy could have me in the bathtub crying my eyes out for an hour. Then again, Sidney wasn’t just any boy. He was mine. Or at least he had been. I wasn’t sure what he was now. Thinking about it made my head hurt.
Finally, looking like a million bucks in a Christian Dior original, a short cocktail dress he’d designed at Grandmama’s insistence, I headed out of my room to the dinning room. Hearing me come in Sidney snapped. “It’s about bloody time.”
“Have you eaten yet?” I asked calmly, sitting down at my end of the table. “I can have our cook send something for you as well.”
“Of course I’ve eaten.” He snapped. “I ate with the team earlier.”
“Well then I suppose that you’ll just have to wait until I’ve finished.” I said with a shrug, sitting down as one of our employees pulled my chair out for me. “Thank you.” I said the the guy who pulled the chair out for me.
“You aren’t serious?” Sidney replied looking completely flabbergasted as I picked up my salad fork and began to eat the salad the staff placed in front of me.
“About my dinner? Of course I’m serious.” I replied.
“I thought we were going to talk.” Sidney said.
“We are.” I replied.
“When?” He demanded.
“When I’ve eaten.” I replied calmly.
Sidney sighed, shook his head and slumped down into a chair. “God you can be such a bitch Kally.” He grumbled. “I have places to be you know.”
I shrugged. “And I thought that you were being honest with me… only think how inconvenient this whole thing has been for me. I moved from the US for you, only to get lied to and cheated on.” I paused and smiled. “I’ve wasted four months kid. Surely you can handle wasting 30 minutes.”
Sidney glared at me but sat silently as I ate my meal. I took my time. I wasn’t about to hurry for him. I was so damned angry with him. I couldn’t believe he had cheated on me, yet at the same time, I knew that it was true. I knew he had cheated on me, and that he was hoping that I had fucked up in some way to excuse his screw up.
“Are you done yet?” He snapped when I plate was cleared.
“Is there dessert?” I asked, looking at the maid clearing my plate.
“Yes Miss.” She said. “I believe cook has a cheesecake. He believes its your favourite.”
“It is.” I said with a smile. Sidney rolled his eyes. “Bring two slices please, with strawberries and whipped cream.”
“Right away Miss.”
“You can’t be serious.” Sidney said, dumbfounded as the maid left the room.
“Why not?” I asked. “I love my dessert, and I do happen to know that a good New York style cheesecake is a favourite of yours.”
Sidney shook his head in disgust. “Why are you playing games with me Kally?” He demanded.
“Why did you play games with me?” I countered.
“I never played games.” He said firmly.
“Oh really?” I asked, eyebrows raised. “So what do you call cheating on me? And let’s not forget not telling me about that? If that’s not playing games, I don’t know what the fuck is.”
Sidney closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as though he were praying for strength. “Fine, I played games. But so did you.”
“Oh really?” I demanded. “When? When I told you that I was late? Or when I told you I still hadn’t had a period? Or maybe it was when I came to Finland to watch you play hockey and then was so excited that I had had my period that I couldn’t wait to tell you?”
Sidney sighed. “What about cuddling with Danny after that party?” He demanded.
“You mean the morning I found you in my bed with that 15 year old?” I replied, eyebrows raised. “YOU made Eric take me to your place, and then you used YOUR key to MY house to have sex with someone else!”
I was so incredibly upset that I had actually raised my voice, something Sidney had never before heard me do. He starred at me incredulous and we sat there like that, him starring at me, and me trying to calm down as the maid brought in the cheesecake. I took a deep breath and then took a bite.
The cheesecake was delicious. It wasn’t as good as the cheesecake you get in New York, but it was still the best cheesecake I’d had in a very long time. Finally Sidney overcame his shock and managed to stammer. “You… you… you… yelled… at… me….”
I looked at him sharply. “And you expected me to do what?” I asked. “Give you a kiss because you accused me of playing games and you still haven’t been man enough to actually admit that you cheated on me? Excuse me for not jumping up and down in joy.” I said sarcastically.
Sidney sighed in defeat and ran a hand through his hair. “What do you want me to do Kally?” He asked, his voice quiet and sad.
“I want you to admit what you did.” I told him firmly. “And I want you to eat your cheesecake. It's good.”
Sidney sighed again. “Why are you doing this to me Kally?” He asked, taking a bite of his cheesecake.
“I think a more appropriate question is why did you do this to me?” I replied pointedly. “You got into this relationship knowing full well that I have trust issues. Yet you still went out and cheated on me. Why?”
“Things were bad between us Kally.” He replied simply.
“Yes, and things have been bad between us for awhile kid. That doesn’t mean that I jumped into bed with someone else.” I pointed out. “And its not like I couldn’t have.”
“Yeah I know Danny would be all over you if he could be.” Sidney snapped jealously. “In fact, Marc-Antoine thinks that he has been.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course Marc-Antoine thinks that Danny has been in my pants. Because he fucking wants in my pants, but is too cool to admit it. So instead, he plays the good buddy who thinks your girl’s a whore. You don’t think I haven’t seen that act before kid?” I demanded. “Marc-Antoine is so transparent its fucking hilarious.”
Sidney opened his mouth to reply and then closed it. Pausing as though he was actually considering what I had to say. He thought for a few moments and then he snapped. “Are you that fucking conceited Kally?” He asked. “Do you really think that every fucking guy you meet wants you?”
I shrugged. “Experience is a good teacher kid.”
Sidney rolled his eyes. “Maybe that’s just because you spread your legs so fucking easily. Most guys will take what’s offered, even if they aren’t exactly attracted to it.”
“Are you saying that you just took what was offered kid?” I asked my eyebrows raised. “Because the way I remember it, it was exactly easy for you. You knew me well over a year before you got into my pants, and the entire time I knew you I slept with one other guy, Zach, and I never made any secret of the fact that we’d slept together.”
“Who are you here to see Kally?” Was Sidney’s only reply to that. “Me or Zach?”
“Neither.” I snapped. “I’m here to see Drew.” I glared at him angrily. “Didn’t you know Sidney? The entire time I was sick with love for you I was really sleeping with Drew.” I told him in a totally sarcastic tone.
“It wouldn’t surprise me.” Sidney snapped back.
“Just because you can’t keep a promise and you have to sleep around doesn’t mean that we all do kid.” I replied. “Whenever I slept around, there were no promises. You made promises Sidney. Promises that you broke.” I said as my voice cracked and a tear rolled slowly down my cheek.
I brushed it away angrily with the back of my hand. I did not need him to see that he had me this upset. “God I hate you.” I muttered as the tears kept falling. “I hate you so damned much because I fucking love you so much.”
“You still love me?” Sidney asked, looking both young and surprised.
“Of course I still love you Sidney.” I muttered, refusing to meet his gaze as I wiped tears off my cheeks.
“I love you too Kally.” He murmured, standing and coming over to kneel next to my chair, his fingers gently wiping the tears off my cheeks. “You have no idea how much I love you…. She… the girl I cheated on you with, fuck Kally, I can’t even remember her name. She looked just like you.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I demanded.
“Of course not.” Sidney replied, running a hand through his hair again. “It’s just… I needed something that night, and Marc-Antoine, Dany and Guillaume were on my case about you again, and I was drunk and I know all of his is no excuse and I don’t deserve a second chance or anything like that, but Kally, if you have it in your heart to forgive me, please baby… please… I am so fucking sorry Kally, you are never going to know.”
The way he said this, like a prayer, one giant run-on sentence with no pauses… well it was enough to make a girl consider it. But it definitely was not enough for me to jump back into his arms. I sighed. “Sid, things aren’t always going to be easy between us. Life isn’t easy. We both know that.”
Sidney sighed. “I know that baby, and I promise you that I have learned from this. You are what I want. You are what I need. No one can replace you Kally.”
I smiled slightly. “Kid, I thought that was something you’d learned last year at Shattuck’s.”
Sidney shrugged. “All the attention I’m getting from girls Kally… we didn’t really have to deal with that at Shattuck’s. I mean, I got some attention and all, but it wasn’t like we had a lot of opportunities to… you know, have sex.”
I raised an eyebrow, thinking about all of the different times and places that Zach and I had managed to have sex around campus. “Damn sexy, I really need to teach you the fine art of the quicky.”
“Does this mean I’m forgiven baby?” Sidney asked, looking up at me, his eyes round and hopeful.
I sighed. “I love you Sidney.” I said slowly, considering each of my words carefully. “But just because I love you doesn’t mean that I’m going to fall blindly back into something that might not be what I need it to be. Does that make sense?”
Sidney nodded slowly, his eyes sad again. “You know Kally, I’m here in Finland, and I’m supposed to be thinking only about hockey and all I can think about is you. I need to know what we’re doing. I need to know what’s going on with us.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to think. “Sidney if I take you back you have to understand something.”
“Anything.” Sidney said quickly, jumping at the chance he saw.
“You’re going to be on a damn short leash kid.” I warned him. “At least until I feel comfortable trusting you again.”
He stood and leaned forward kissing me softly on the lips. “When I said anything, I meant anything baby. I would do incredibly stupid things if you asked me to, like walk across hot coals or whatever. If that means I have to deal with a tight leash…” He whispered kissing me again, more passionately this time. “I love you Kally and I’ll do anything for you.”