Sunday, April 27, 2008

Chapter 21 - Some Kind of Wonderful

We headed back to Pittsburgh later that week. Sidney was living with Mario, and I was back in the hotel. I only had a few days left to spend with Sidney before I had to go to work in Cole Harbour. I wanted to make the most of them. I know that he did too.

We went for lunch together every day, although I was being kept busy with the final portion of Sidney’s contract negotiation so I didn’t have as much time as I wanted to spend with him. When I was with him, my heart was breaking. When I wasn’t with him, my heart was breaking.

I already knew how much I was going to miss him. It tore me up inside thinking about spending months at a time away from him. But that was what I was going to do. I mean, I couldn’t just quit my job. I had signed a contract and I was looking forward to my first full time teaching job.

Yet leaving Sidney in Pittsburgh was going to be the hardest thing that I would ever have to do, and I wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to do it. I knew that Sidney wanted us to jump the hurdles as they came and not worry about them ahead of time. Unfortunately I was worried.

I worried all of the time. I knew that over the past few days, Sidney and the other Penguins rookies had been going through an intense orientation camp. That included a lot of talk about the various temptations that they would face as rich young men in a city that loved their hockey team.

Just thinking about all of those different temptations made me feel ill. So I worried. I worried a lot about the time that we weren’t going to be able to make it over all of the hurdles that those temptations were going to present us with. I just tried as hard as I possibly could not to show it around him.

I didn’t want to be the possessive bitchy girlfriend. I didn’t want to make him feel trapped. Yet being with him, being his girl, was making me start to think about the future. It made me start thinking about marriage. It even had me thinking about kids.

All of those thoughts were wonderful and frightening. They were wonderful because I knew that I was well on my way to being in love again. After the last time, I wasn’t sure that I was ever going to fall in love again.

Yet it was frightening because Sidney was only eighteen. He’s so young and he hasn’t experienced so much. I didn’t want him to miss out on those things. I didn’t want to push him to things that he didn’t want.

And I wasn’t sure what he wanted. I wasn’t sure if being with me was making me think about marriage and children. I wasn’t sure if he was even thinking beyond the next day or the next week. I had no idea.

I didn’t want to disrupt things by asking. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. Yet by not making him uncomfortable, I wasn’t sure whether or not I was risking my own happiness… my own piece of mind. I wanted both of us to be happy. I wanted us to be happy together. I wanted that more than anything.

As I sat around on one of my last nights in Pittsburgh finishing up some final revisions on some paperwork for Pat, there was a knock at my hotel room door. Sighing, I fixed my hair in a sloppy ponytail and padded slowly to the door. Pat had a bad habit of sending messengers at all hours to pick up whatever it was that I was working on.

To my surprise, Sidney was standing on the other side of my door. “Crosby!” I said surprised.
Sidney smiled at me softly. “You didn’t think that I was going to let you leave without me seeing you did you?” He asked, gently pushing me backwards into my hotel room.

I smiled up at him, his nearness making me want nothing more then to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him. “I wasn’t sure.” I said with a shrug. “You’ve been so busy since you were here, I just couldn’t know for sure.”

Sidney leaned down and kissed me passionately. His lips worked against mine and I moaned low in pleasure as his hands moved lower and his fingers massaged my back and then moved lower and lower still. I twined my fingers in his hair and together we stumbled backwards towards the bed.

We collapsed onto the bed, Sidney on top of me. I accepted his body weight and moaned as his knee urged my legs apart. He settled between my legs and his hips moved against mine. His lips moved away from mine and trailed a line of hot kisses down my neck.

“Sidney….” I moaned low, my head thrashing slightly.

“You are so beautiful Dare.” He muttered, starring down at me reverently. “I can only imagine how beautiful you are with your clothes off.”

“And you’ve spent a lot of time imagining it haven’t you Crosby?” I teased him, reaching up to gently stroke his cheek with the back of my hand.

“More than you can imagine babe.” He replied, his fingers moving to slowly remove my tank top. “More than you can imagine.”

His mouth came crashing down on mine again and I knew then that the time for talking had passed. I wanted to be with him before I left. I wanted us to come together like this. I wanted him to make love to me so that we could be one, if only for a moment.

Nearly an hour later I lay cuddled in Sidney arms, the blankets, sheets and clothes all over the place, my paper work a mess on the floor. I sighed and shivered. We were covered in sweat. Whose it was, I couldn’t very well tell you, but it was chilly, laying there naked on the bed.

Sidney dropped a quick kiss on my forehead. “You cold babe?” He asked.

“A little.” I replied.

Sidney let me go briefly, reaching down on the floor for the blanket. Pulling it up over me he surprised me by leaning over again to grab his t-shirt. “Here.” He said, cuddling me in his arms again. “Put this on.”

I smiled and pulled his t-shirt on, inhaling deeply as I did so. It smelt like him. There was something comforting about that. “Thanks.” I whispered, pressing a soft kiss on his well muscled chest.

“Thank you.” He whispered in reply.

I giggled. “It was good for me too Crosby.” I reminded him.

“I know.” He said with a triumphant grin. “And I’m sure the people in the rooms on either side of us know it too.”

I shrugged. “So I was a little loud. I made you scream too Crosby.”

“Did not.” Sidney answered indignantly.

“Did too.” I replied.

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“You so did not.”

“I so did Crosby.” I told him with a laugh. “But if you really want to prove me wrong, we could always try again.”

“What time is it?” Sidney asked, glancing around.

I reached for my cell phone, sitting on the dresser. “Nearly eleven thirty.” I replied. “Why?”

“Oh fuck.” He muttered leaning out of the bed and reaching for his pants.

“What?” I asked, clutching the blanket to my chest.

“Fuck Dare, I hate having to do this.” He muttered.

“Do what?” I demanded, looking him straight in the eye.

He looked away and muttered. “I have to go.”

“Go?” I demanded angrily. “Go where?”

“Curfew remember?” He said, glancing at me briefly. “I have to be back at Mario’s already.”

“Stay the night.” I replied. “Call, tell him you’re alright and that you’re with me.”

“Dare, its not that simple.” He told me, running his fingers through his now tangled hair. “I have stuff tomorrow.”

“So you’re going to pump and dump huh?” I demanded, peeling his shirt off of my body. “I should have fucking known.” I snapped angrily running my fingers through my hair. “I should have fucking known better.”

Sidney was starring at me, incredulously, so I continued. “You made it perfectly clear from when we first met that all you wanted to do was fuck me. Now that you’ve done that, you don’t want to stick around because if you stick around you know that its going to get emotional and you don’t want to deal with that.”

“I never said that.” Sidney tried to defend himself.

“You didn’t have to say it.” I snapped throwing his t-shirt at him. “Your actions speak louder then words Crosby.”

“I’m already late Dare.” Sidney said. “What more do you want?”

“What do I want?” I snapped angrily. “What the fuck do you think that I want?”

“I don’t fucking know.” Sidney yelled at me. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be so fucking confused right now.”

“Why the fuck do you think that I put off having sex with you for so damned long Crosby?” I demanded.

Sidney just starred at me and shrugged, so I continued. “I put it off hoping that you would take the time to get to know me. I put it off hoping that once you go to know me, you’d like me enough not to do this to me.”

“Do what to you?” Sidney asked.

“Pump and dump.” I snapped. “Really, Crosby, if all you wanted to do was fuck and chuck, you should have waited to approach me until you were already 18. We could have just had sex and been done with each other. This… this hurts.”

Sidney’s cell phone started ringing. “Fuck.” He muttered, looking at the call display. “I have to go.” He mumbled awkwardly, turning and leaving me standing with only a blanket to cover myself.

The door to the room closed behind him and I moaned in pain. I didn’t understand how he could do this to me. We had just had sex for the first time. Didn’t he understand that I didn’t want him to leave? I wanted him to spend the night with, holding me in his arms.

I wanted to wake up next to him. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to know that he wasn’t going to leave me now that he had gotten what he wanted. So I lay on the bed and I cried myself to sleep, wishing that I’d never met Sidney Crosby.

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