Chapter 44 - How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I trembled slightly, grateful for Sidney’s strong arms around me. He continued to hold me despite the fact that he had asked me a hard question. Despite the fact that he probably would rather have been looking me in the eye when I answered. “I had to see you.” I whispered into his chest, my lips touching his t-shirt. “I needed… I just needed to know.”

“Know what Nickie?” He replied, drawing me towards his bedroom.

“I needed to know whether or not we were completely over.” I replied, still whispering as I let him pull me down onto his bed and onto his lap. I looked up at him, extremely aware of the tears that were streaming down my face. “Are we completely over Sidney?” I asked, my voice shaking.

“I don’t know Nickie.” He said, resting his head on my shoulder. “The way we are right now, it doesn’t seem like it, but I just don’t know. I still don’t understand what got you to drive here all night when you hadn’t been sleeping. For God’s sake Nickie, you could have been killed. You could have killed someone else if you’d fallen asleep at the wheel.”

“That’s part of why I came. When you’re tired you don’t exactly make the best decisions.” I pointed out.

“That’s true.” Sidney said softly. “But what’s the other part of why you came?” He asked.

I pursed my lips before answering and sighed. “Something that Mark said to me before he went home and something your Mom said to me when we met.”

“What did Mark say?” He asked, looking intrigued.

“He told me that sometimes love is enough and that I just have to believe in it.” I told him honestly, even though it was hard for me to tell him this. “He said that you really did love me, and that everyone on the team knew it.” I sighed again and snuggled closer to him.

“What about you Nickie?” He asked me softly, his eyes full of tears. “Do you love me?”

I raised my eyebrows. Stretching up I kissed him softly on the mouth. “I don’t know phenom.” I said slowly. “You tell me.”

“I’m not sure brat.” He said, being painfully honest. “I mean, I know you care about me a lot Nickie, and I will never, ever question that. I know that I love you. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, even if that means NOT being with you but still being yours. You aren’t willing to do that, or you weren’t or I don’t know…”

Sid was definitely flustered. He ran an anxious hand through his hair. Then the next thing I knew, his mouth was crashing down on mine. He kissed me gently and yet passionately. I kissed him back, reveling in the feel of his weight on my as he slid me off his lap and under him on the bed.

The next thing I know, Sidney is making love to me the same way he did that very first time. Except this time, we have to be really quiet because the last thing we need is his parents coming downstairs to see what that noise was or something. That would not be good for either of us and we know it.

Not that that stopped us from enjoying every second of it. When we were done, Sidney gathered me in his arms and whispered. “I love you brat.” He murmured, half asleep as he softly kissed my forehead.

Then we were sleeping. Despite the fact that we had really solved nothing and it was only about 9 at night, we were satisfied and now we slept. Except it wasn’t very restful for me. I couldn’t help thinking about, well everything.

What did this mean for us? Did this mean we were back together? Or was this just goodbye sex? Why had we done this if we hadn’t solved ANYTHING at all? Were we both just so caught up in our hormones that we couldn’t say no? Should I have said no? Where were we going to go from here?

Eventually I fell into a dreamless sleep. I was still completely exhausted from the weeks I’d gone without sleep. I woke up when I felt Sidney’s mouth working insistently at my neck. I moaned slightly and slid my arms around his neck, accepting his weight on top of mine.

“I knew that would wake you up.” Sidney said with a smug little grin on his face and he lowered his mouth to mine.

“Sidney wait.” I said pushing him away gently.

Sidney sighed. He knew full well that we needed to talk, but like me with the shower and the hug, he was trying yet not trying to delay this conversation. He flopped back onto the bed. “I know Nick.” He said quietly. “I’ve missed you brat.”

I moved over and snuggled next to him. “I’ve missed you too phenom… in and out of the bedroom.” I said. “But why did we just do that?” I asked. “What does it mean?”

Sidney sighed and stroked my hair gently. “It means that I still love you brat. More then anything else Nickie, I love you.”

We were silent for a few moments before I decided that I had to say something. “But you said that you weren’t sure if I loved you enough.” I said hesitantly. “Are you still not sure that I love you enough?”

Sidney sighed and looked down at me, our eyes meeting. “Are you going to try and bail on me again Nickie? Or are you going to be strong enough to try and stick it out?”

I sighed. “After you left my Dad called.” I said slowly.

“Your Dad called?” Sidney replied surprised.

“Yeah.” I said quietly.

“What the hell did he have to say?” Sidney demanded, looking and sounding as angry as I had felt… as I was still feeling.

“He and Mom have decided what the rest of my year is going to be like.” I told him.

“You mean they actually talked to each other?” Sidney asked, surprised.

“That’s what I said.” I replied with a bit of a giggle. “Personally I am still positive that my parents used their lawyers to decide this… or maybe Uncle Davey.”

“So what did they decide?” Sidney asked, his hand smoothing my hair gently once again as if he instinctively knew that the news had upset me.

“Well I am to finish Grade 11 up out here.” I said with a shrug. “Then I can spend July out here, but in August I am expected to be at the ranch with my Grandparents. Then I will be back in Airdrie in time for school to start.”

“When will you see your parents?” Sidney asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know.” I told him honestly. “They never come to the ranch, so probably when school goes back.”

“And when’s the last time you saw either of your parents?” Sidney asked, as if he couldn’t remember, though I knew full well that he did.

“New Year’s Eve.” I said. “That’s when Mom put me on the plane.”

Sidney shook his head in disgust. “Nickie you deserve better from your parents brat.”

“Thanks.” I said quietly.

We lay there in silence for several long moments, Sidney stroking my hair softly. Finally he spoke up, his voice uncertain. “So does this mean that you won’t be back in Rimouski at all next year?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know Sid.” I said softly. “It sounds like it.”

He sighed. “That sucks.”

“I know.” I replied. “This is what I was afraid of phenom.”

“That your parents wouldn’t let you come back?” He asked, sounding a little confused.

I nodded, kissing his chest softly. “I spend a lot of my time afraid Sidney.”

He smoothed my hair with a gentle hand and pressed a soft kiss on my forehead. “You don’t need to be afraid though brat.” He said softly. “I love you and I always will… even if things between us aren’t always the way they are now.”

We hugged each other tightly. “I feel the exact same way phenom.” I told him. “You’ve meant so much to me since we met. I can’t imagine you being completely out of my life.” I paused, then decided that since the joke was right there I had to take it. “Not that you could ever manage that with your ugly mug all over Sportscentre every night.”

Sidney chuckled, then paused. “So does that mean we’re over Nickie?” He asked hesitantly. “Does this mean that was goodbye?”

“Do you want it to be?” I replied, tears sliding down my cheeks.

Sidney reached over and gently wiped the tears off my face. “I don’t want it to be done brat.” He whispered. “I never ever want to let you go. But I’m scared that you are going to end things as soon as you get home because its hard to be apart.”

I sighed. “Sidney I am so not about to do that to you.” I said. “I tried to end things when you left because I thought it would be easier.”

“And you like to take the easy way out.” He pointed out cruelly.

“Typically that would be true phenom.” I said slowly, accepting it as a personal truth. “I like things to be easy… I always thought that relationships should be easy or they weren’t worth being in.”

“And what does that have to do with us?” He demanded. “’Cause what we’ve had has never been easy Nickie.”

“I know.” I said, taking a deep breath. “What being with you has taught me is that the best things in life are worth working for. We had to work to be together. We had to work to stay together. It wasn’t so much work that it chaffed me. But the idea of being on the other side of the country and having to work to keep you… to keep you faithful to me with all the temptations that are going to be around you next year….”

I paused, watching him as that sunk in. “Well it overwhelmed me phenom. We both know that there is going to be a lockout in the NHL next year, and that means the eyes of the Canadian media are going to be on you even more then they are now. That means you’ll get even more exposure and even more girls, all across the country, are going to think you’re hot shit.”

I sighed. “How are you going to deal with that Sid? Are you going to give into temptation? And if you do, well, I’m not even going to know about it. So you’ll be able to have your cake and eat it to.” I glanced up and him, anger behind my words. “Is that fair to me? No. But I know how it is. I heard about Danny cheating on Michelle all the time, and even though B and Marc-Andrè are like, special friends or something, I highly doubt he kept it in his pants. Mark cheated on Catrine all of the time too. What choice are you going to make?”

“The same fucking choice I made all of the time when I was on the road this year Nicole.” Sidney said angrily. “I’ll call you, I’ll text you. I’ll do anything BUT fuck another girl.”

“It’s easy to say Sidney, but it’s not that easy to do. It was easier when you knew that I was waiting at home for you, and that no matter what time you got back you could call or come over or whatever, and you’d get laid.” I snapped. “What happens when I’m gone and you aren’t getting that anymore? When I can’t make any promises about the next time you’re going to see me?”

Sidney sighed. “You have a point Nickie.” He said reluctantly. “But I have faith in myself. I have faith in us. Do you?”

I sighed. “I shouldn’t have let her get to me.” I muttered.

“Let who get to you?” Sidney asked.

“Remember that night we played spin the bottle at the party and I decked Claire?” I asked.

“Well yeah.” Sidney said. “I got mad at you for decking her and then you told me that she told me that next year she was going to be there and you weren’t. Is that’s what bothering you brat? The idea that there will be other girls around when you aren’t.”

“Yes.” I said. “I want to be with you. I want to be with you all of the time, and the thought that you might get really drunk and fuck Claire or some other bitch just like her pisses me off.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Sid asked.

“I trust you Sidney.” I said pointedly. “It’s them that I don’t trust.”

He didn’t say anything for a couple minutes, so I continued. “You really need to come home with me.” I told him. “After a weekend of seeing how other guys… guys who aren’t your friends or teammates treat me, maybe then you’ll get where I’m coming from.”

Sidney nodded, understanding. “So where are we for now brat?” He asked gently.

“Here.” I said kissing him softly. “In the now. Like you’ve said. We’ll cross each bridge as we come to it.”

Kissing me again as he covered my body with his Sidney mumbled. “Good because I love you Nickie. Don’t forget that.”