Chapter 12 - How I Spent My Vacation

I’ve always heard people talk about happiness, and I’ve always thought I was happy. But being with Sidney, I realized that I’d never truly known what happiness was. Before I’d merely been content. I’d accepted a lot of things in my life. I’d accepted the fact that my parents were messed up. I’d accepted not being good enough for them. I’d accepted being second fiddle to, well everything with Coby. I’d accepted who and what I thought I was.

But here was Sidney, and he wasn’t willing to buy into anything I thought I was. He didn’t care who I thought I was, he cared about who I actually was. It may sound weird, but if you hear things over and over and over again, you eventually begin to believe them, even if you aren’t really those things. Sidney believed in me, he trusted me, and being with him finally made me really, truly happy.

So happy that I was almost able to forget about Frankie. It was easy to forget, being so far away from everything. I mean, I wasn’t talking to my parents and it wasn’t as if any of my so-called friends had gone out of their way to keep in touch with me while I was in Quèbec. In fact, I hadn’t heard from anyone.

But as these things will, February 21st snuck up on me. Sidney and Eric had both gotten home in the early morning hours from a road trip. Since that special morning when Sidney and I had first been together, I’d spent most of my nights at his place. Not to have wild sex or anything like that, but just to be with him and around his things when he couldn’t be there. Especially since he’d gone on another three game road trip the week after they’d gotten back from Baie-Comeau. Then there had been a two game home stand, and then another three game road trip.

Either way, in the early morning hours of February 21st I woke to the feel of Sidney crawling into bed next to me. He was always quiet… it wasn’t really necessary since I didn’t have school the next day or anything like that, but still, it was thoughtful of him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed the side of my neck. “Mornin’ brat.” He whispered in my ear.

I stretched against him. “How was the trip?” I asked.

“Not bad. Two wins and a loss.” He said.

“How many goals?” I asked.

“Just one.” He said, kissing my nose. “But I added four assists.”

“Good.” I whispered snuggling into him. “What time do you guys skate?” I asked, knowing full well that they had another game coming up the next day, and this was really code for, ‘what time do we have to get up?’.

“We skate at 4.” He said, burrowing his face in my neck.

“Good.” I murmured rolling over and kissing him softly.

“So you missed me then?” He asked, laughing quietly.

“Maybe.” I teased him.

“Just maybe?” He asked biting my nose.

“A little.” I said laughingly.

He growled and forced me onto my back. “You’re lucky I don’t….”

“Don’t what?” I teased back.

“Don’t this….” He muttered kissing his way down my body.

“Sidney!” I squealed.

He laughed. “That’s right brat.” He said. “I have the power.” He added in a fake deep voice.

I swatted at him. “Goof.” I said. “You know I could make, well wait its Canada. I could make at least tens of thousands of dollars selling this story to the press.” I laughed. “Why couldn’t you be an American phenom?” I moaned. “That would make me millions.”

To my surprise Sidney didn’t laugh. In fact, he completely let me go and sat up, looking at me as if he were trying to decide whether or not I was serious. I took a deep breath. “Phenom, I’m joking.” I said.

He was still silent, and I was really starting to worry. “Umm look Sid, I’m sorry.” I said. “I didn’t mean to like, cross the line or anything.”

I looked at him, reaching to touch him, when I noticed the devious little grin on his face. “Gah!” I said in exasperation. “You ass!”

He grabbed me and pulled me on top of him and kissed me firmly.

When he let me go, I hit him in the shoulder. Not hard or anything like that, but I did hit him hard enough for him to feel it. “And you say I’m the brat!” I snapped, crossing my arms across my chest.

“Aw come on baby.” He whispered, pulling me back into your arms. “You love toying with me… I figured it was my turn.”

“You’re horrible.” I muttered.

“So what are we gonna do today?” He asked, kissing my shoulder.

“Not that.” I said giving him a look.

“But that’s so much fun….” He said kissing his way down my body again.

“Sidney!” I snapped. “You need to sleep. I need to sleep!”

Immediately he sat up and looked concerned. “You haven’t been sleeping again Nickie?” He asked.

The truth is, I don’t sleep very well during the month of February as a general rule, and even with our, umm, extra curricular activities I hadn’t done much sleeping. Sidney had been worried about it before he left on this last road trip. “I just haven’t been sleeping well Sid.” I said, trying to shrug it off. “Its not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal.” Sidney said. “You haven’t slept for more then an hour at a time every night I've been home.” He looked at me with a smug grin. “Not that I mind Nickie, but, something isn’t right.”

“Nothing is wrong okay?” I snapped angrily, trying to crawl out of the bed.

Sidney pulled me back, and pulled me under him, where I had no hope of escaping him. (No he wasn’t going to rape me or anything Ms. Kulak, so don’t get your panties in a bunch). “Nickie, I’ve known ever since we met that there was more to you and your life then met the eye… you made sure I knew that.” He said seriously. “But something is bothering you. When did Frankie die?” He asked.

“Whose Frankie?” I asked, feeling frantic.

“You’re little brother Nickie. You said so when you and Bianca were arguing.” Sidney said gently. “I haven’t pushed you, but something is bugging you. When did he die? How?”

I knew I had to tell him the truth, but that didn’t mean that I really wanted to. “What’s the date today?” I demanded.

Sidney thought for a second. “It’s the 21st of February.” He said.

“Oh God!” I gasped. “I need to call my Mom… or Dad. I have to go home!”

“Is today the day Nickie?” He asked.

“Yes.” I said frantically. “And we always have a service that we go to as a family. I have to get home!”

“Nickie, baby.” He said, forcing me to meet his eyes. “You aren’t going to be able to go home.”

“But I have to Sidney!” I said. “I have to go home, we have to go to the service.”

“You won’t get home until late today at best.” Sidney said logically. “And that’s at best baby.”

“But it’s the only thing we do as a family!” I said as he pulled me against him.

Sidney stroked my hair gently as he held me against him. His lips grazed my hair. “Tell me about your family Nickie. Just tell me about it.”

“There’s nothing to tell.” I said angrily. “I don’t have a family anymore, except one day a year, and this year, my so-called parents couldn’t even be bothered to arrange for me to go home so we could have that one day.”

“Has it always been this way?” He asked, still stroking my hair.

“No.” I sniffled. “Not when Frankie was alive.” I said. “When Frankie was alive we were a family. But when he died our family died with him.”

“How did he die?” Sidney asked, his eyes soft.

“It was a stupid accident.” I said. “He was in Grade 2… he was going to be 8 in May….” I couldn’t believe I was telling him this. I’d never even really talked about with the counselor after Frankie died. But somehow, talking to him, I was comfortable, and it just felt right to tell him. To share Frankie with him. “Every year the teachers take the kids to go have swimming lessons in February… I’d gone a couple years before when I was in Grade 2.” I took a deep shuddering breath. “Frankie was adorable. Big brown eyes, golden blond curls and no front teeth. My parents and I adored him. I almost never tried to get rid of him the way most big sisters would have… my friends liked having him with us when we did things. So we’d let him tag along.” I smiled sadly at the memory. “He could swim like a fish… he was playing hockey too… and he was playing with 9 and 10 year olds instead of with the 7 and 8 year olds. He was good.”

Sidney kissed my forehead as I paused and then he gently wiped away the tears. “It’s okay Nickie.” He whispered.

“No it’s not!” I said angrily. “He wasn’t even 8 years old! If the swimming instructor had been watching instead of flirting with that other instructor…”

“Take a deep breath.” Sidney commanded as I gulped for air. When I’d done so he said. “Now tell me, what happened?”

“Frankie’s group at been allowed in the deep part of the pool… with the high dives. He slipped or something… we still aren’t 100% sure.” I explained slowly. “He hit his head and then he hit the water. No one noticed. At least not soon enough.”

“So he died.” Sidney said.

“Not quite.” I said. “The accident happened on the 15th.” I told him. “Frankie was a vegetable for 6 days before he died. I was holding his hand when he stopped breathing. Mom and Dad were arguing in the family room about whether or not to pull the plug, and I could hear them and was telling Frankie that I loved him and that no matter what I’d make sure no one pulled the plug on him and he just stopped breathing. There were all these machines that were supposed to be doing all the work for him, and they just stopped. And then he was gone.”

Sidney kissed my forehead. “Sometimes things are just meant to go the way they go.” He said awkwardly.

“Why?” I demanded angrily, wiping my eyes. “Why take a little boy away? Why destroy a family?”

“Maybe so that you could be here now.” Sidney said softly. “Maybe all this happened so that we could meet and so that we could be together.”

I glared at him. “That has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” I snapped. “Sidney you are incredible, and I care about you a lot… I’m totally falling in love with you.” I surprised myself by admitting. “But I would rather have my family and my little brother. It’s nothing personal, but….”

“Hey I’m not going to be offended by that.” He said. “I can’t imagine what life would be like without my little sister… annoying as she is. But still, maybe that’s part of it… fate I mean.”

I hugged him hard. He always understood the important things somehow. “Do you believe in fate?” I asked, my face buried in his chest.

He stroked my hair softly. “I believe that you and I met for a reason if that’s what you’re asking.” He said softly. “I believe that there is a reason why you are in my life and why I am in yours.”

“Really?” I asked, feeling calmer then I had in a long, long time.

He turned my face so that we were looking at each other. “Really Nickie.” He said, his eyes gentle as they took in my face. “We are together for a reason… I don’t know if I know what it is yet, but I do know that together, we’ll figure it out.”

I smiled. The first time I’d smiled on the 21st of February for six years. I kissed his cheek softly the way I had that first day. “I think I already know why you’re in my life phenom… and thanks.”