Part 32 - Pure Gold

I wasn’t really that surprised when Dion showed up part way through the game to chaperone me. What I was surprised about was the fact that Belarus won. They defeated the Americans by a final score of 5-3. D was just as surprised as I was. Montoya looked WEAK (yes in capital letters like that). Both after and during the game I was glad that I’d decided to stay. It was an awesome game.

Plus, sitting there, clad in all my Team Canada finery, I couldn’t help but gloat a little as I watched the team that had made a third period come back last year to beat us looking like they were going down the shitter. It made me feel proud to be Canadian, and I cheered for the Belarussians like you wouldn’t believe. D, of course, sat there, his eyes devouring the game, taking in every detail of how both teams played, in case he had to play either one.

After the game was over, and the Belarussians had won they celebrated the victory as if they’d won the tournament. D and I both knew that this was probably the biggest win in Belarussian hockey history. It was fun to watch the Americans crumble, though I did feel bad from Robbie Schremp and Ryan Callahan and other guys on the team who were playing in the CHL, because I liked them in the CHL, just not when they were wearing the red, white an blue.

The next day however, I was still thinking of nothing but Sidney. For some reason I just couldn’t seem to help myself. It was almost as if he had consumed me. I was worried about his back, especially after that cross check the night before, and I wanted to go see him, but the fact of the matter was, was that I was scared.

I was scared that he was really, really, really angry with me. I was scared that he had been lying to me the whole time and that I had fallen for it. The possibility that I had fallen for lies was absolutely ludicrous to me. I mean, I’m Drew Whitney. I don’t take shit from anyone, and I’ve been around the block enough times to KNOW when a guy is lying to me. A 17-year-old kid couldn’t possibly have taken me in. Could he have?

So I holed myself up in my hotel room. The guys weren’t going to be playing again until the 2nd of January, so I probably could have spent a lot of time hanging out. But the fact is, I didn’t want to. That’s not to say that people didn’t come and go all day, knocking on my door, but I didn’t really want to hang out with anyone. I just wanted to by myself.

If Sidney had come by, I probably would have opened the door and talked to him. Hell I know that I would have opened the door and started talking to Sidney, but that was different. Sidney and I hadn’t really had any quality time together in awhile. In fact, the last time we’d really managed to have a civil conversation was when I was slightly buzzed after the game against Sweden. Other then that we hadn’t managed a single civil conversation since before the Sidney caught Ryan and I rough housing in my hotel room.

I sighed and paced the room for what felt like hours, answering the door and basically asking people to go away. I wasn’t in the mood. It wasn’t anything personal, I just needed some time to myself to think about everything that was going on. Normally I was completely in the driver’s seat when it came to my relationships. But now, I had absolutely NO clue what was going on and I didn’t like it one little bit.

Why had Sidney made me feel this way for him? I mean, if he had no feelings for me, then why the fuck did he do this to me? What had he been thinking about? Was he just like so many other guys I knew? Did he just want in my pants? I mean, because if he just wanted in my pants, then he should have told me before I fell for him. If he’d told me then I would have put a nice protective wall around my heart and Sidney and I would have fucked like rabbits from when he turned 18 until when we got bored with each other.

Around 2:30 though, my silence was completely destroyed when D came pounding on my door. “Drew open the door.” He called.

I stopped pacing long enough to pull open the door. “What’s up D?” I asked, giving him a quick hug.

“That’s what I’m here to ask you.” He said, folding his arms across his chest as quietly closed the door behind him. “Getter, Patrice and Reggie told me that they all came by to see you and you were nice and polite and distant… not like you at all. They’re worried.”

I shrugged. “I’m tired D.” I half-lied. “I mean, I’ve been keeping a funky schedule and drinking far more then I probably should.” I paused and made myself grin at him. “And tonight is New Year’s Eve man, I have to gear up for that. I can’t possibly not go out and get completely fucked up tonight. It would just be wrong.”

D laughed. “This is the second year in a row that I can’t go get fucked up on New Year’s Eve.” He complained. “Not that I mind playing for Team Canada, ‘cause you know that I love it, it would just be nice if we had a little extra time between the end of the round robin and the start of the medal round so that we could go out and get fucked up.”

I laughed. “It would also be nice if y’all were legal. But none of you are. Even the guys like Carter and Stewart who have early birthdays are still not going to be legal state side for another year. Man that would suck to get drafted to an American team.” I said.

D shrugged. “Not really.” He said. “It’s like with major junior if you really want to get drunk, you can. There’s always someone around willing to help you out.”

“Yeah I guess.” I said. “But y’all have to be on your best behaviour until we get back to Canada, or else you’ll like, embarrass the country or something and we’ll have a huge scandal with the press about drinking in major junior hockey.”

D rolled his eyes. A little while back there had been a huge to do over the amount of weed the guys in the Q were smoking. “Yeah, because you know, teenagers don’t like to experiment or do drugs or anything like that.” He said sarcastically.

I laughed. “I just remember Scottie Upshall completely stoned out of his mind.” I paused remembering the dumb ass shit he said when he was totally stoned. “That was hilarious.”

D shrugged. “Of course it was funny.” He said. “But Scottie could be a way better hockey player if he’d stop smoking so much.”

It was my turn to shrug. “The same could be said for a lot of guys we know D. Including some of the boys on the Rebels honey and you know it. But we can’t stop people from doing stupid things if they want to.”

“You’re right.” Dion said. “But still, I hate to see people wasting talent with drugs.”

I had to shrug. I’d done some recreational drugs of my own back in the day. “I guess.” I said. “But most teenagers don’t think about the future that much D. They think about having fun in the moment.”

The minute the words were out of my mouth, I applied them to my own situation with Sidney. He was just a teenager. True he appeared to be a mature one, and he was well spoken. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t like any of the other 17 year old boys that I knew. Could it be that when he and I had been together he had been thinking only in the moment?

Had he been just enjoying himself at the time? What if what he had said about the future were just words to say because he thought that that was what I wanted to hear? What if he had grown bored of playing the game with me and was now dismissing me and I didn’t know it?

D didn’t seem to notice my distress. I guess I did a good job of hiding it or something, because all he did was shrug and say. “I know Drew, but you and I both know some people who toked away their talent. A little weed every now and then won’t kill you… just like going out and getting fucked up every now and then doesn’t kill you. But if you do it all the time it’s a problem.”

“I’ve been doing it all the time since we got here.” I joked. “Does that mean I have a problem?”

“Of course you do.” D replied to my surprise. I gaped at him for a couple of second before he grinned and finished. “Your parents.”

I laughed and hit him playfully. “D you’re a fucking asshole at times you know that?”

“Yep.” He replied. “But you can be a fucking bitch.” He said. “And right now you’ve got everyone worried because they think that you’re up here pouting about something.”

“What do I have to pout about?” I asked him innocently. “You guys are on a fricking tear. You’ve outscored your opponents in the round robin by a count of 32-5… that’s a fucking record. I’m just tired D.”

“I believe you Drew.” D said softly, noting that I was feeling a little cranky and trying to sooth me. “You just have to remember that the other guys don’t know you nearly as well as I do. They only know you as Neufy’s fun and mouthy friend Drew. They don’t know that every now and then you get into these moods where you just want the world to fuck off.”

I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks D.” I said. “But in that sentiment would you mind fucking off?” I asked. “Tell the guys that I’ll be fine. I’m going out to have a good time tonight, tomorrow I intend to sleep all day to recover and maybe go watch the quarter-finals.” I said.

“Sure thing.” Dion said, knowing full well that when I was in the kind of mood that I was in, the kind where I wanted the world to fuck off, that included him. “Have a happy new year Drew.” He said, dropping a kiss on my brow.

I hugged him tightly. “Yeah see you D. Have a Happy New Year too.”

With that he left, and I was grateful for friends, because D knew that I just needed some time to myself. He knew that there were times when I wanted nothing more then to be alone. Nothing more then to have some time to myself to think whatever is going on in my life through.

Unfortunately for me, the more I thought about Sidney the more anxious and nervous I became. I didn’t want to be just another girl. I didn’t want to be just another notch in his belt. No more then I wanted Sidney to be just another guy for me. Deep down I’d long since realized how much I cared for him, and in caring for him that much I wanted him to be not just a guy, but THE guy.

Yet now I sat pacing my hotel room as I wonder and worried about what was actually going on between Sidney and I. If he’d really meant the words he’d said or if he’d just been living in the moment. If he’d just been living in the moment, then, well I couldn’t really blame him.

But what if he had been intentionally toying with me? What if this had all been a fucking game to him? What if he hadn’t actually wanted me? What if all he had wanted was to see how far he could get with a teacher? How on earth was I supposed to handle all of that?

I was dealing with enough shit with my parents. Even though I didn’t say anything about it I was petrified that next year would see Dion sent to Lowell, and I wasn’t sure how I would be able to deal with living in Red Deer without D being nearby. It was true that I’d applied for a job in Calgary, but even living in the city wouldn’t be good enough if D was sent down to the AHL. I didn’t need to be worrying about all this crap with Sidney too.

Unfortunately for me though, I knew that I was going to have to deal with it… eventually. I couldn’t go home to Red Deer without figuring out what was really going on between us… it would eat me up inside… it already WAS eating me up inside. I wanted to KNOW what was going to happen when this was all over. I wanted to know what was going on in Sidney’s head.

But I couldn’t do it. No matter what I said to myself, no matter how I tried to convince myself that it had to be done, nothing could make me get up and actually go see him. I was too scared. I was scared of finding out that all the negative, self-doubting nagging thoughts I’d been thinking all day were true, and I just wasn’t ready to find that out yet.

So I did the thing I knew to do in situations like this. I called up Chris, downed a couple of shots of the rum that Getter had given me for Christmas, and went out to get smashed. It was still New Year’s Eve after all….