Chapter 23 - An American Flavour

Over the next little while, Sidney and I (and the “regulars” as I dubbed the boys on the Nics) lived our routine. The team would pretty much be on the road one week, and then in town the next. Through the end of Saskatchewan the team was 4-3-1, which wasn’t bad, but I knew that the boys wanted to be better heading in to October.
Troy was here every weekend that the guys played at home, and he started spending those weekends at my house, much to Sidney’s chagrin. It meant that our extracurricular activities either had to be extremely quiet, or not at all. On the other hand, Sidney had 10 goals and 8 assists through the 8 games, which was considered pretty damned good for a 16-year-old rookie.
Either way though, Sidney and I managed to keep ourselves busy. Weekends of home games he spent the nights and if he got home late from road trips, he’d usually sneak over for a quick cuddle before I’d drop him off at the Bèlangers. We studied together weeknights after practice, but as October came to an end, and midterms were imminent, I began receiving more and more phone calls from my Mother.
Now don’t get me wrong. I do love my Mom. I just don’t love phone calls everyday from her urging me to let Princeton know that I’m going to be attending classes in the second semester. And the calls were coming essentially daily. I ranted and vented to Sidney when he was around, but as the season picked up he simply wasn’t around as much.
The stress was really starting to get to me and at the end of October, when the Nics were now 13-5-1. Part of my stress had involved a weekend in Cole Harbour with Sidney’s family when the boys played Halifax (a 2-1 win). Not that I didn’t like Troy and Trina, but I was nervous about staying with Sidney’s family.
I hadn’t gotten a lot of schoolwork done that weekend (I’d spent a lot of time driving) and so when I got back, I was even more stressed out. It was not a particularly pleasant time for me by any stretch of the imagination.
Little did I know early in the month, as I celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving with Sidney and his parents, that things were going to get much, much worse. See I’ve been on the pill since I was 14. My period is always regular.
I take my last actual pill on Saturday and by Tuesday morning I’m bleeding. But Tuesday the 27th came and went. Then I didn’t start on Wednesday. Or Thursday, or Friday (which was Halloween) when the boys played their last game of their October schedule (a 3-1 win over Moncton, Sidney had two assists and won 11 of 19 face offs).
So, on Friday, after the game the guys came over to hang out, as they usually did on Fridays or Saturdays if they were in town, I realized that I had to say something to Sidney. I was really, really starting to worry. I’d never skipped a period since I started taking the pill, unless, of course, I’d just started a new pack without taking my 7 reminder pills.
I waited until late, after we’d made love (it wasn’t really sex the way sex had always been for me… what Sidney and I did together was more personal… more intimate), and were laying together in bed, Sidney’s arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders.
“God Kally….” He whispered softly into my hair. “It just keeps getting better and better with you.”
“Are you trying to say it wasn’t good to start with?” I teased him.
Sidney rolled his eyes. “You know full well that its always been good baby.” He paused. “It’s almost like we were made for each other.” He said tentatively.
I nodded. “I understand.” I said softly, my fingers smoothing softly over his hairless chest. “I felt it when we met.”
Sidney smiled down at me. “So did I.” He said. “I was just scared to say anything to you.”
“Why?” I asked, looking up at him.
“The same reason you probably didn’t say anything to me.” He told me. “It sounds just a little weird.”
I nodded. “You’re right.” I said. “That’s exactly why I didn’t say anything sexy.”
We lay there, cuddled together in silence for awhile. My heart was beating fast and my palms were sweaty. I did NOT want to have to tell him this. He was only 16. He didn’t need this in his life right now. Heck, I didn’t need this in my life right now, but if I were actually pregnant, I was far better equipped to deal with it.
My Grandparents wouldn’t be happy about another child born out of wedlock, but Grandmama had to know that it was almost inevitable. They would pay for a nanny, so I could go to Princeton and travel back to the City on weekends to be with the baby. I would be fine.
But Sidney… Sidney was just starting his hockey career. Having a baby right now could be a total black eye for him. I had no idea how to tell him about this. Would he blame me? Or would he just understand that it was no ones fault? Because it really wasn’t. I’d been taking my pill as regularly as I ever had.
Could it have stopped working because I’d been on it for so long? I had no idea and I was definitely scared to call and find out what his reaction was going to be. But I knew that I couldn’t keep this from him, because the longer I kept it from him, the angrier he would be.
I sighed again. “Are you okay baby?” Sidney asked; looking down at me concerned. I shrugged. “Kally I can tell you want to tell me something.” He continued. “You can tell me anything you know.”
I sighed again, and looked at his chest, refusing to look him in the eye. “I know that I can tell you anything Sid.” I said. “But some things are, well really hard to say, even when you know that they need to be said.”
“What’s the matter Kally?” Sidney demanded, two fingers raising my chin so that I was forced to meet his gaze.
“It’s not easy to say.” I half-sobbed, really causing me to worry. I wasn’t normally this emotional.
“Whatever it is Kally, you can trust me baby. I care more about you then anything else in my life.” He told me, hugging me close. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
“First off Sidney.” I said a little angrily. “I am NOT the most important thing in your life… hockey is.”
“But you are the most important person in my life.” He countered.
I sighed. He was NOT making this any easier. “Fine.” I said firmly. “I’ll just out and say it. Sidney, I’m late.”
“Late?” He asked, eyebrows knotted in confusion.
“Yes.” I said nodding. “Late.”
“Late how?” He asked, still clearly confused by what I was trying to tell him.
“Late as in my monthly visitor has yet to arrive and I am due to start a new package of pills on Sunday.” I said, looking away.
“You mean you haven’t had your period?” Sidney asked.
“Yes.” I said, still not looking at him.
“You mean you’re PREGNANT?” He demanded, immediately pulling away from me.
“Umm, well no.” I said.
“But you haven’t had your period.”
“Yes.”
“Then you’re pregnant.” He said.
“Maybe.” I replied.
“What do you mean MAYBE?” He demanded sounding almost angry. “I mean, either you’re pregnant or your not, its not one of those sort of things.”
“Well I don’t know whether or not I’m pregnant.” I snapped.
“How can you NOT know?” He asked.
“My Mom didn’t know she was pregnant until she was nearly 4 months along Sidney.” I snapped. “She attributed her morning sickness to hangovers, and her missed periods to stress. She was in Law School after all.”
“So stress can make you miss a period?” He asked.
I nodded. “A lot of things can make you miss a period Sidney.” I told him. “I mean, I’ve been on the same kind of pill since I was 14. That could be why I’m not having my period.”
“So go to the drug store, buy a pregnancy test and find out for sure.” He said logically.
“Oh yeah and that won’t cause a lot of gossip.” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Fuck that might almost make headlines in this fucking country. I can see it now ‘Phenom’s Girlfriend Buys Pregnancy Test’ or ‘Is a New Crosby on the Way?’ that would be just brilliant for you. I would love to see how your Dad would react to that one.” I snapped.
“Well then go to a doctor and find out for sure.” Sidney replied, anger in his voice.
“It’s too early to tell.” I snapped. “A woman ovulates between the 13th and 15th day of her cycle… that’s like, a week ago.”
“So wouldn’t you be, like sick in the mornings or something?” He asked.
I shrugged. “Maybe.” I said. “Some women don’t experience any kind of morning sickness. Grandmama never did when she was pregnant with my Dad.” I said. “I could be like her.”
“So what you’re saying is that we aren’t going to know until a couple of months.” He said, as if to clarify the situation.
“Probably not.” I said, shrugging again.
“So why the hell did you tell me this now?” He demanded.
“Because I wanted you to know from the beginning.” I snapped, getting out the bed, standing there naked. “Because if I really AM pregnant I don’t want you to do the same thing my Dad did and take off.”
“So if you’re pregnant you’ll definitely keep the baby?” He asked.
I shrugged again. “I don’t know.” I told him. “I have thought about it. It’s not like I couldn’t keep the baby. Grandmama and Grandpapa would pay for a nanny and I could go to Princeton just like I planned.”
“And just what say would I have in this whole process?” He demanded.
“Well it is my body.” I replied angrily. “So it is up to me to decide whether or not I have the baby, if there even IS a baby. This hasn’t exactly been an easy month you know.”
“Yeah well it hasn’t exactly been easy for me either.” He snapped.
I sighed. “Sidney I don’t know if I’m pregnant or not. If I am, I don’t know if I’m going to have the baby or not. I don’t know what I’m going to do either way.” I said, tears sliding down my cheeks.
Sidney sighed, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I should probably go home baby.” He said. “It’s not a good idea for me to stay the night anymore.” He paused. “Just in case.”
“Sidney….” I said slowly, reaching for my clothes. “Wait a minute and I’ll give you a ride sexy.”
He turned to me, his eyes nearly as cold as ice. “That’s okay Kallista.” He said, his voice equally cold. “I think I should probably walk.”
And with that, Sidney walked out of my room and out of my house and there was nothing that I could do about it. So I stood there, naked and cold and I cried. There was nothing else I could do but cry and pray.
And I did. I prayed in earnest for the first time since I’d been sent to Shattuck’s, when I used to pray every night and every Sunday for Mom to come to her senses and move back to Boston so I could go home. I pray not that I wasn’t pregnant, because if I was, well that was already a done deal and there was nothing God could do about it.
Instead, as I stood there, crying, I prayed that God would help Sidney to understand, and that He gave me the patience and understanding to deal with whatever may come. And that he would give Sidney the patience and understanding to deal with whatever may come, because whatever was going to happen, was, well, going to happen.