Chapter 1 - How I Spent My Summer Vacation

“I don’t see why you’re sending me away.” I snapped, as my mother tried to give me a hug. “I don’t want to go.”

“Honey you’ll understand when you’re older.” She said sadly, the secrets she didn’t think I knew hiding behind her eyes. “Your Dad and I just need some time to work things out… your English teacher made it clear that our problems were causing your anti-social behaviour.”

I rolled my eyes. “Mom that’s ridiculous. Didn’t it ever occur to Ms. Kulak that SHE is the cause of my anti-social behaviour? I mean none of my other teachers have ever said I was anti-social.”
My Mom sighed. She was trying to make this as painless as possible, but really, the whole situation was painful. “Look honey, I’m sorry, but your Dad and I think this is for the best.”

I rolled my eyes again. “Of course you do. Instead of just getting rid of me for the summer the way you usually do, you and Dad now have an unlimited amount of time alone.” I glared at her.
“And Dad couldn’t even be bothered to come to the airport. It wouldn’t be like this if Frankie hadn’t died.” I snapped. “You and Dad were happy, but then Frankie died, and it was like I wasn’t good enough for you guys.”

My Mom tried to hug me but I pulled away. I was angry, and I had every right to be. My parents, and my family, had been perfect until I was ten. Then my little brother Frankie had drowned at a local swimming pool, and everything had changed. My Dad had sued the city, because the lifeguard was busy flirting and didn’t notice Frankie. He was on the high dive and he hit his head. His teacher was busy with other kids and didn’t see, and the lifeguard wasn’t paying attention, and by the time they got him breathing again, he was brain dead. After Frankie died, it was like our family died.

If I couldn’t keep my parents happy at least I was keeping them together. Now, thanks to Ms. Kulak, I wasn’t even able to do that. I was going away to a place I hadn’t even heard of, to stay with a relative I didn’t know about. I had no clue what to expect, except that it wouldn’t be home.

My Mom smiled at me a little sadly. I knew that she loves me… so does my Dad… they’ve just forgotten how to show me since they’ve forgotten how to be a family. “I’m sorry honey, but this really is for the best.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sure, whatever.” I said, adding a shrug for emphasis.

“Well do you have anything you want me to tell Dad?” She asked.

“You mean that you’re actually going to talk to him?” I demanded, feeling far more at ease. Well not at ease exactly, but I was more comfortable saying what was actually on my mind around my parents since they’d decided to send me away. I didn’t care what they thought about what I thought anymore.

“Of course I talk to your father.” She snapped.

I snorted. “Yeah, through me.” I reminded her sarcastically. “Now what are you guys going to do without me?”

“Nicole Emily Ashley Roy!” My Mom snapped. “I’ve heard enough.”

“No Mom, you haven’t.” I said firmly, shaking my head. “You and Dad haven’t heard anything I’ve been trying to tell you since Frankie died. Now you’re sending me away, and you don’t want to hear what I have to tell you now. Dad definitely doesn’t want to… he couldn’t even be bothered to come to the airport to see me off. Hell you guys couldn’t have managed to stay in the same room that long.”

“That’s not fair Nickie.” My Mom said shaking her head. “Your Dad and I love you very much… he just had a lot of work to do this morning.”

I rolled my eyes again. I knew my Mom was ITCHING to tell me I should patent the gesture since I roll my eyes so often… it was what she usually said, but she didn’t want to get into it with me in a public place. “Yeah sure you do, but not as much you guys loved Frankie.”

She gaped at me, literally, her mouth hanging open. “You don’t mean that.” She said in disbelief.

“Of course I do.” I snapped. “You know me Mom. I don’t say anything that I don’t mean.”

“How on earth can you believe that?” She asked, hurt as well as tears in her eyes.

“Oh come on Mom.” I said, rolling my eyes yet again. “It wasn’t until Frankie died that you and Dad started fighting so much.” I reminded her. “Then you stopped talking except through me. Now, you’re sending me away. This would never have happened if Frankie hadn’t died and we all know it.”

She turned, so I couldn’t see the hurt in her eyes… the hurt that was always there whenever I had the audacity to mention Frankie. “I know.” She whispered hoarsely as she tried her best not to cry. “We all know that this wouldn’t have happened if Frankie hadn’t been killed.” She never said that Frankie had died… to her he’d been killed by the negligence of the staff… and legally he had been, but he’d also died. “But don’t for one second believe that your father and I don’t love you.”

I shrugged. “Maybe you do love me Mom… and maybe Dad does too.” I said as I walked to the gate. “But I’m not good enough to keep the family together, so now you and Dad have a chance to feel the way I felt after Frankie died. Because I don’t want to talk to either of you until you call me to come home. Until then, you can tell Aunt Amèlie anything you want to tell me.”

I left her then, and I felt strangely calm. Normally I would have been overwhelmed by guilt as soon as I was three steps away from her, and I would have run back and begged her forgiveness. But I didn’t feel guilty. I’d finally told her exactly what I thought. I wasn’t sure whether or not she’d actually tell my Dad… after all that would require speaking to him, still it was like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I got on the plane and sat down with a sigh. I had a long flight to Toronto before flying to Quèbec City (or la Ville de Quèbec) and then getting on a bus to Rimouski. I was angry, and upset and I hoped like hell that no one chatty would sit down next to me. I was especially upset that Coby hadn’t even bothered to come by the house this morning to say goodbye. I mean, I knew it was early and all, but I would have thought that he cared about me enough to say goodbye.

I was mentally composing a strongly worded email to him when the plane took off. I was supposed to be his girlfriend. We had been dating for nearly eight months. All I wanted him to do was come by my house and kiss my goodbye. It wasn’t my fault that my parents had decided to send me away. It wasn’t my fault that New Year’s Eve was the day that my parents had chosen to put me on the plane. I sighed. I knew that’s why I was pissed… because I was going to miss Amy’s New Year’s Eve Party. Her parents were heading into the city for some party and weren’t going to be home until sometime the next day.

We’d planned on drinking, making out, and maybe even having sex. Of course, because of my parents STUPID plan to spend time “alone” for the next little while, that plan was done… and it was unlikely we’d get another opportunity until next fall. I could almost understand why he was mad, but that was NO reason not to come say goodbye.

Not only were my previous New Year’s Eve plans totally ruined, but it was unlikely that my Great-Aunt Amèlie had any fun plans for New Year’s. Going to a new town on the biggest party night of the year… I wasn’t going to know anyone, so I wasn’t going to be able to party or anything cool. I sighed again. I was probably going to get to spend this New Year’s Eve watching bad specials on TV. Woo. Hoo.