Chapter 3 - Wait for You

The next morning was brutal. Breakfast was at 8 a.m. down in the main dining area. I had cereal, yogurt and some fruit. I’m not big on mornings, so I was pretty groggy and grumpy as usual. My catcher Arie Davidson sat across me so we could discuss strategy against our first opponent – the University of North Carolina. This was big time and for me, well, it meant something more than just some hardware to take back on the plane. I was 15 strikeouts away from the NCAA single season record, and I had already shattered every other Alabama, SEC and NCAA pitching record during the Regionals. I didn’t necessarily have anything to prove, in fact if you look at the top 10 NCAA career strikeout leaders, only one has a national championship. I had a spot on the U.S. National Team if I showed up next week at camp in California and probably even the Olympic Team if I stayed healthy, but winning a national title would bring a sense of pride to our university and the City of Tuscaloosa, and that’s what we wanted.

Arie and I talked pitches and exactly how to get around the Carolina lineup. The eight best teams were left, so there was no room for error and it started with me. One wrong pitch and that was it. I spoke to the remainder of my teammates and coaches before heading back up to my room to get ready for practice.

The rest of the day was a blur. We practiced at a local high school and I went a little early with our pitching coach. Sometimes I just need to be alone to focus on what’s going on and this is definitely one of those times. We practiced for about two hours before calling it quits. On the way back to the hotel I let my mind wander, which for me usually isn’t a good thing.

The main thing on my mind wasn’t the game, it was Sidney Crosby. His eyes were so warm, his hands so strong and yet he was gentle. Despite my hesitation to dance with him the night before, I found myself feeling safe and secure in his arms.

Wake up, Kate! I can’t be doing this! I just can’t! I have a freaking national championship to focus on. Sidney would have to wait, but the question was could I get him off my brain?

The hot water from the shower hadn’t felt this good in a long time. I let the water pour over me as I tried to dismiss every care I had. My shoulders were tense, and the butterflies were coming. It didn’t help that with my eyes closed all I could see was Sidney looking at me with those eyes. Get it together!

I decided to wear a black skirt and a baby blue top. Something simple but with the right jewelry, it looked nice. I actually did my own makeup and didn’t look like a clown. I even put my hair up. Mom would have been proud.

We loaded the bus around five to go to the banquet at some local place. We had a lot of fun – taking pictures, signing autographs for some of the kids they recognized us – but for me, I just wanted to get in bed. We didn’t play until tomorrow night, but we had scout right after breakfast and batting practice at another local high school early that afternoon.

I don’t do things like this well. I guess it has something to do with the whole anxiety issue. We finally got a chance to see our families that were there, and I was surprised to see Sidney sitting with my parents. Jen and Colby were there, too, but Sidney was next to my father.

“Hi,” I said to them as I walked up.

“So, Kate, how was practice today?” My father asked.

“Good. My arm feels good. We were very alert on situational defense so that’s very good. We’re just all ready for tomorrow to be here.”

About that time the emcee for the banquet asked everyone to take a seat, so I said my goodbyes and returned to my teammates. It was a nice banquet. And, yes I got all four of those awards I was up for – USA Softball National Player of the Year, the Honda Award as the nation’s top collegiate softball player, the Honda/Broderick Trophy as the nation’s female athlete of the year and the National Association for the Advancement of Women Female Athlete of the Year. After the awards ceremony, I took pictures with my coaches, team and Mom and Dad. Before leaving I spoke to some of the other girls that I would be seeing not only on the diamond this week but in Chula Vista at the tryout camp next week. We arrived back at the hotel about 8:30 and I was too wired to sleep.

I called Jen but the call went straight to her voicemail. At this point in the evening I wasn’t looking to do anything in particular. I was a wreck on the inside with all of these emotions about the game. I changed into some jeans and t-shirt, put on my flip flops, grabbed my cell phone and room key and headed out the door and down to the lobby.

I walked outside heading towards the small courtyard area that was on the side of the hotel. I was relieved to see no one else there. I took a seat on a bench and just started to think about what Colby had said earlier about enjoying the moment.

My life has always been softball and for the past four years we had worked so hard to get here. The past three years, we’ve come up short. My freshman year we didn’t even make it out of Regionals and the past two years we’ve finished third. It something you want so bad but can’t have just yet. But, tonight at the banquet was fun. I allowed myself to be Kate, the bubbly girl who everyone liked to be around and not Kaitlyn, the all-so-serious softball player that was harder to crack than the DaVinci Code. I let out a sigh and heard a voice from behind me say, “You know, if you keep this up, you’re going to have a complete meltdown tomorrow.”

Crosby.

I turned to look and there he was. The light was hitting him just right and he was still in his suit. My stomach turned. God he was hot.

“How do you deal with the pressure, Sidney?” I asked very weakly, not knowing where my voice had gone at that exact moment.

He walked over and sat down next to me and simply replied, “I just continue to be me. You can’t let the media and the people who think they know you make you into someone you’re not.”

I grimaced a little at the thought. I didn’t have ESPN or every media outlet in Pittsburgh following my every move, but I understood what he meant.

“I try so hard to be so focused. I’m the senior, Sidney. I’m their leader and they look up to me. If I crack…”

“They will catch you, Kate. That’s what a team is all about.”

He was right. I had to let go. I had to quit worrying about the pitching calls. Arie knew what she was doing. She knew those batters as well as I did. Let her call the game. I have a great defense behind me and they’re there to watch my back.

I sighed and he put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him. His smell sent my brain running crazy and being so close to him made me feel vulnerable.

“You know, Kate. You’re smart. Jen said you graduated at the top of your class at Alabama. I can tell. You’re a lot like me. I’m so focused on hockey that I sometimes forget the other things in life. It’s the nature of how we are as athletes. But, even every now and again I have to sit back and take it all in. Twenty years from now I don’t want to look back on it and realize I didn’t allow myself some time to enjoy it.”

I just looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back. I put my head on his shoulder and just sat there. I liked this – the peacefulness of the night and him holding me like this.

“What’s underneath this hard-nosed, stubborn persona of yours?” he asked.

“Someone fighting to be herself and not conform to what others want. A young lady struggling with a lot of self-esteem issues. But most of all, just wanting someone to understand.”

“Understand?”

“My life is no where near anything like yours. Gosh, I could never imagine dealing with what you deal with. People in Tuscaloosa and Savannah know me, but that’s it. Outside of that realm, I’m just another person in the world. But, I struggle with having to be this person the public thinks I should be -- Kaitlyn, the All-American softball player who is always so serious-faced and focused. Win. Win. Win. And then there’s the Kate Jen knows. And I’m afraid Jen’s the only one who knows that Kate. And, I want everyone to know that Kate.”

He looked at me and smiled. “She thinks the world of you. I knew that from the first time I met her. She talks about you all the time. And when Colby asked me to come I came because I wanted to meet this amazing person Jen talked about so much.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you came. It’s nice to have someone to talk to about this.”

“You are more than welcome. I just hope that this is the start of a new friendship for the two of us. I’d really like to get to know the same Kate Jen knows.”

I just smiled before standing up. “I guess I better get back to my room. I need sleep. Tomorrow’s a big day, you know?”

He just smiled at me and offered his arm, which I took. I just hope no one saw us. I didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea about us. I can’t deny the fact that we have an attraction to each other, but I’d just met him yesterday. He led me to my door and let go before saying, “Knock their socks off tomorrow,” with a wink.

I just smiled and replied, “Thank you for listening to me. I appreciate it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He leaned down and lightly kissed my check and said, “Goodnight Kate.”

“Goodnight Sidney.” and I went into my room and closed my door.