Prologue- How I Feel

My name is Madilyn Reilly (but I go by Maddie), and I was a freshman in college the first time I met one of my best friends, Jordan Staal. I had just turned eighteen, and he had just moved in next door to my parents’ house. He had just moved in with the Recchis, and my parents decided to have all of them over for dinner one night when they didn’t have a game, so I came home from the University of Pittsburgh (where I’m studying public relations and journalism) for the weekend and that’s when I met Jordan. I thought he was cute, but I didn’t fall in love with him or anything. We became friends right away and started to hang out all the time, since he didn’t really know anyone in Pittsburgh besides the guys on the team. We’re best friends now, and Jordan has been dating someone for a couple of years now, a girl from Thunder Bay named Heather.
This past summer, before my junior year, and Jordan’s third NHL season, I went up to visit Jordan in Thunder Bay, and Heather was gone. When I got up there, I hadn’t seen Jordan for about a month and a half; when I saw him, it was like everything had changed. I looked at him and was attracted to him. I truly noticed how good-looking he was (just like my friends had been telling me all along), how great his body was when we went swimming out at his brother’s place, just everything. Of course, I couldn’t tell Jordan any of this: he was in love with Heather. So, for the past couple of months, I haven’t told a soul how I feel. Not my sister, not my best friends Ann and Helen, no one. Even though I think I’m in love with Jordan, I have started to date someone, kind of to keep my mind off of Jordan. His name is Ryan Jackson, and he really is a good guy. We’ve been going out for about a month now, and he’s nice, but I’m not sure how I feel about him, and I really don’t want to lead him on at all, so I’m starting to consider breaking up with him, since I don’t really have any feelings towards him.
It’s the middle of October now, about three months after I realized my true feelings for Jordan, and about a month after I started dating Ryan. I go to all of Jordan’s games and we hang out all the time, and I haven’t let my feelings affect our friendship at all. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have any idea that I like him in that way. He’s too in love with Heather to notice.