Chapter 5-How I Feel

I head to my three classes of the day, and when I get out, I head to where I’m meeting Ryan for lunch. This isn’t going to be easy, since he’s so nice, but it’s what I have to do.
“Hey,” he greets me as I walk up to him. He’s waiting outside, and he gives me a kiss on the cheek when I reach him. “Ready for lunch?”
I nod, and we head in and manage to get a table right away. We order drinks, and we talk about our weekends, but I leave out the whole thing about me crashing at Jordan’s. I don’t want him to think I was cheating on him, which I wasn’t, but still. Before we get our food, there’s a lull in our conversation, and we don’t talk for a couple of minutes, until I decide to speak up.
“Hey, Ryan, I wanted to meet you here for lunch today because we need to talk,” I begin.
“About what?” he asks me, reaching for my hand. I pull it away.
“About us.”
“Well, what about us?” he asks after a minute.
“Ryan, you’re a nice guy and all, but I’m sorry, I just don’t think we’re a good couple.”
“Well, I happen to think otherwise.”
“Ryan, it’s just, well…I’m sorry. I hate to sound clichéd, but it’s not you, it’s me. You’re great and all, but I just don’t really feel anything.”
He looks at me incredulously, and as the waitress puts our food down, she can tell something’s going on, so she hurries away.
“Maddie, I like you, a lot. I really do. I feel like we have something.”
I don’t really have anything to say, because I don’t know what to say. We sit there for a couple minutes in silence before he speaks up.
“Are you in love with someone else?” he asks.
I shift my eyes down towards my food and don’t say a word.
“It’s Jordan, isn’t it?” he loudly says.
I don’t say a word.
“Holy shit, it is. I knew it, I knew it.” He pounds the table with his fist a couple of times.
“Can you calm down please?” I ask. “People are looking.”
“Like I care. You’re dumping me for someone who doesn’t even know you’re in love with them!”
“Like I said, it’s not you, it’s me.” This is pissing me off.
“Yeah, no shit. So, Jordan, huh? Your best friend? Who has a girlfriend that he’s in love with?”
“You know what? I don’t have to talk to you about this. You’re being an asshole. I don’t have any feelings for you, and I never will. So, I’m sorry, goodbye.”
Ryan looks at me, shocked. I was mean, but he was being an asshole. I grab my backpack and get out of the booth. Ryan tries to get me to stay, but I just shake my head and walk out of the restaurant and walk home. That was not the way I wanted to end it, but I didn’t really have a choice.
*****
When I got home, Helen was there, so she asked me how lunch was as I flopped down on the couch.
“Oh, it was lovely,” I sarcastically tell her.
“Did you break up with him?” she asks.
“Yep. It sucked. He thought that we were a great couple and that everything was working fine, and I felt otherwise, so that was a great talk.”
“I’m sorry, that doesn’t sound like a lot of fun.”
“Yeah, it sucked, but I really didn’t have a choice. He also guessed that I’m in love with Jordan, but I didn’t confirm or deny it.”
“I mean, it’s not very obvious that you’re in love with Jordan, since you two are best friends and always hang out all the time anyway, but I mean, I can see how he guessed it.”
“Well yeah, whatever. It’s done, but it’s not like I’m totally happy, either.”
Just then, my stomach rumbles really loudly, and Helen laughs.
“Wait, I thought you got lunch with him,” she laughs.
“About that,” I begin. “We ordered lunch and as I was breaking up with him we got it, and I didn’t really have a chance to eat it.”
We both laugh, and that helps me feel a little better. She asks me if I want to go out and grab something, and I say yes, so we head out and grab some lunch.
*****
We watch the Penguins game that night, and they manage to win, 2-1, in the shootout. Jordan got a couple of penalties, but overall it was a good game. People are starting to criticize Jordan for his play though, since he’s not producing a whole lot, even though he’s doing a pretty good job. It pisses me off, since he’s my best friend, but I have to take it with a grain of salt, since everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
The next day, in between classes, I feel my phone vibrating and I look down at it: it’s Jordan.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask.
“Oh, not too much, just heading into the rink. We have optional practice. How’s your day going so far?” he asks.
“Not too bad. I’m just in between classes right now. Nice win last night!”
“Thanks, it was a close one, I’m just glad we got the two points. No game until Thursday now, so that’s nice.”
“Is Eric coming in on Wednesday?” I ask him. They’re playing the Hurricanes on Thursday, so I wanted to see if Eric was coming in the night before.
“I actually just talked to him, and they’re not coming up until Thursday morning. It’s too bad; I wanted to catch up with him. Hey, do you have a lot of homework tonight, or do you want to meet up for dinner or something?”
“Well, I do have something due tomorrow, so can we do it tomorrow instead?”
“Sure, how about I pick you up around six? Is that okay?”
“Sounds good.”
We talk a little bit and then he decides to ask me about Ryan.
“Can we just talk about that tomorrow night?” I ask him.
“Sure, I mean, did something happen?” he asks.
“Yeah, something happened. I’d rather just talk about it in person though.”
Jordan respects that, and we talk for a little while longer before I have to go to class. I hang up the phone and walk into my classroom and talk to a few people before class starts, and I’m thinking about seeing Jordan tomorrow night the whole time.