Chapter 10-How I Feel

I go to my classes the next day and make plans to hang out with Jordan on Wednesday, since I have a few things I need to do for school, and because I have to think about what to do. I don’t know what I’m going to do, and this is driving me crazy.
I get to Amy and Matt’s at six, and I can see they’ve both just gotten home from work, so I help them out with dinner. Amy told Matt what was going on (she asked me if she could, and I told her yes), so he puts his opinion into the conversation every once in awhile. But, there are no clear-cut answers as to what I should do. I know they can’t answer that, and that it’s something I have to do on my own, and it sucks.
“Maddie,” Matt begins, as we’re cleaning up the dishes, “after listening to everything, I think you should tell him. I know you two are best friends and that this could ruin everything, but there’s a chance he might like you too. And you won’t know unless you try. I can’t tell you how you should tell him or what you should say, but tell him.”
“I agree,” Amy says, nodding her head.
“When, though?” I ask them both as I put some plates in the dishwasher.
“That I can’t say, but you should soon,” Amy says, handing me some silverware to put in the dishwasher.
“Like, before he breaks up with Heather, or after?”
“That I can’t tell you. Do you really want to be the one that gets blamed for them breaking up? Don’t the Staals and everyone love Heather?”
“Well, yeah, they do, but they like me too. I mean, we had a ton of fun when I went up there this summer. The guys on the team love me, the Staals love me, come on, what’s not to love?” I end it with a little sarcasm, just because this conversation is super serious. I do get Matt and Amy to laugh, so that’s a good thing.
“Do us all a favor and tell him,” Amy says, still laughing. “You haven’t been the same lately, and you’re always happy.”
“You’re not the first person to tell me that,” I say to her as we head into the family room because Gossip Girl is about to start. It’s our favorite show; even Matt loves it, which is totally rare.
“Well, just don’t be miserable so much. The sooner you tell him, the better.”
I think about what Amy and Matt told me while we watch the show. I decide that I’m going to give it a week. If he doesn’t break up with Heather in a week, I’m telling him how I feel. I can’t stand it anymore. I tell Matt and Amy this after the show, and they seem to think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to be seen as the girl that broke Heather and Jordan up. I was cheated on by my boyfriend that I started dating late in my senior year of high school and dated until February of my freshman year, when I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend from high school, Alyssa. Needless to say, we haven’t talked since, and I hadn’t really dated anyone since then until my month-long “thing” with Ryan (which I really can’t call a relationship). Truth be told, I’m scared. I’m scared that Jordan will reject me, that we won’t be friends anymore, and that I will have lost probably one of the best friends I have ever had.
*****
I leave Matt and Amy’s around ten, and walk back into my apartment around ten thirty. I stop into Helen and Ann’s rooms and tell them my plan, and they think it’s a good idea. I realize that Jordan has a road trip and will be leaving this Friday and not getting back until late next Tuesday night, but if he hasn’t broken up with Heather by the end of that road trip, I’m telling him.
*****
I’m in class on Tuesday morning and I feel my phone vibrate. I look down at it, and it says that Jordan’s calling me. Fortunately, I only have a few minutes of class left, so I’ll be able to catch him before he goes into practice.
“Hey, were you in class?” he asks me.
“Yeah, I was. Are you on your way to the rink?”
“Yeah, I’m just about to get there. I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out and grab lunch or something today or tomorrow.”
“That would be great,” I tell him. “How about tomorrow? I have class until one, so do you want to grab a late lunch?”
“Sure. Do you just want to meet somewhere near campus? I mean, that would be easier for you.”
“Great. Want to just meet at my apartment?”
‘That would be easy. Okay, I’m at the rink, so I’ll talk to you later.”